Don’t be Afraid to Ask….

Kids are curious.  It is a natural thirst for knowledge that we will eventually beat out of them by answering good questions with “Because I said so” or “Stop asking so many questions”.  This natural curiosity has given me content for this fine rendition of Life Made Me This Way.

I have 2 wonderful (at times) children.  Both boys.  Now aged 14 and 11.  I recall a lot of great questions posed by my kids over the years.

– Mom, is there Poo in shampoo?

– Mom, what are those monkeys doing?

– Mom, did you ever get in trouble when you were a kid?

My youngest, quite frankly has got to stop asking me questions because his sense of curiosity is on a level I will never attain.  Last week he was asking me about which law of physics I would change if I could break the space/time continuum.   I wanted to respond by telling him to stop asking so many questions, but thankfully our order was ready so I was able to shift his focus by stating; “Looks like our pizza is ready.”  I needed to go home and Google that before we can continue this conversation

While I was Googling “space/time continuum” it hit me. Having Google at your fingertips changes the need to ask so many questions.  I am pretty damn sure my kids have asked a lot more questions to Google than they will ever ask to me.  I like to stay current, so I went onto Google and typed in a few questions I asked in my own childhood.  Holy crap parents.  Every kid wants to know how babies are made.  Google offers this snapshot:

I then asked “What is sex?”  Don’t go there folks!!  I am not even ready for that level of information.  And then there are all those images that pop up at the top of the search engine.   Oh boy!

About ten other childhood questions popped into my head, but I was too afraid to look.

I recall the day about a year and a half ago when our 10 year old son was talking about BAD numbers  I wanted to know what was a BAD number for a 10 year old.  He said 69.  He was 10 years old, ,so I asked him a question.  “What is so bad about the number 69?” I asked.  He says, “it is a sex position.”  WHAT?!?  I ran from the house so fast trying not to break out in laughter until I was out of his line of sight.  How on earth did he learn this at the tender age of 10?  Go ahead parents… try it….  Google “69”.  OMG.  Parental control be damned – waaaay too much information gets through

Suddenly I felt really stupid for offering up the birds and the bees talk.  At 10 years old our kids likely know more about sex than we will know after a lifetime of experiencing it.  The internet has brought information to the hands of our children at a rate that may just be fast enough to mess with that space/time continuum.   Our kids will not seek out older brothers and sisters for answers to the embarrassing questions, they will seek out the internet.  And it is a crazy www-world out there.

Just the other night the whole family was watching a TV show together and a Cialis commercail came on.  My 11 year old asked what Cialis was for.  My 14 year old snickered, my hubby looked uncomfortable and I was curious to see where this would go.  Hubby tried to skirt around the question by offering some vague answer.  Having already come to the Google epiphany, I responded more fully by explaining that this man was having a problem getting an erection for sex.  My youngest gave a knowing nod, and was happy to get back to thinking about some other curiosity, having now crossed Cialis off the list of things he needed to Google.

I am going to come up with a plan to stop the flow of curiosity in my kids.  I think I will start by hiring a programmer to come in and program our computer to respond to every Google query with a statement about how only by eating broccoli can you truly seek the correct answers.  I am going to end every conversation with a blunt “Because I said so”.  I will only allow my kids to hang with others who are equally indoctrinated with the advantages of broccoli.  And when I finally do break the space/time continuum, I am going to remove that basic childhood trait of curiosity.

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